Back to school

Sigh. I have worked 3 half days in the past week, and I missed Andrew so much. He got to spent lots of quality time with his two Grandmas. (Thanks Mom and Sharon!) It makes me sit back and remember how hard it was to leave him when maternity leave was over.

Here he was all packed up for his first day at Miss Sue's. Doesn't this just scream "I guess I'll go to day care... If I have to."

My fears at that time hinged on him spending so much time with this "other woman"- Miss Sue. She's had lots of practice with babies, and they all love her. Will he love her too? If he does, will he love her more than me? He'll be getting just as much waking time with her as with me and half of his meals.

I spent many nights with tears streaming over my nursing Andrew asking these questions and second guessing my decision to be a working mom. I had this mental image of my poor helpless 8 week old sitting in his car carrier unattended all day. No one to stimulate him or make sure he got his tummy time.

I raced out the door my first day back to work to get to Miss Sue's as fast as possible. I was more excited than I can even describe. The anticipation was killing me as I walked to the back room where Yolanda was changing Andrew and getting him ready. Even at that young age, he heard my voice and turned toward the sound.

His eyes were red and swollen. I hugged and hugged and asked how he'd done. Miss Sue simply said, "He missed his mommy very much." I knew. It was all over his face. I held myself together till I got to the car. The whole time I tucked him into his car seat I sobbed. I kept telling him how sorry I was and tomorrow would be easier. I think I was telling myself that, too.

When we got home after a 20 minute car ride, I picked him up out of the car seat and held him. I had missed him more than I realized. He fell asleep in my arms right then... and slept till morning.

I cried the whole way to work the next day just thinking of him "missing" me as Miss Sue so delicately put it. We made it through the 2 am feedings and working and missing each other.

That was then, and now he's older. Will it be easier or harder? Now we know each other. I know just the right face to make him giggle, and I can kiss him on the soft spot behind his arm to make him squeal. He'll never get that at daycare. I guess that's why being a mommy is so special. No one else gets him like I do. Sure, Daddy can toss him higher in the air than I can and sings different songs that drive him wild, but no one can be Mommy.

I'm so glad I get to spend summers with him... I just have to remind myself that I love my job, and he'll be fine. I love my job, and he'll be fine. I love my job, and he'll be fine. I love my job, and he'll be fine.

Maybe Miss May will teach him the excitement of staying out from under furniture.

Maybe not- it's just so fun under there...

~Anne