Family Funnies

Andrew has been cracking me up. Here's some of his latest funnies:

Lying
Andrew has been riding the fine line between fact and fiction. After an episode of pure fiction, I called him on the incident in front of Daddy. Daddy said, "Bud do you know what lying means?" Andrew replied, "It's kinda like a tiger." Lying, lion, tiger. It makes perfect sense, Andrew.

New Place to Play
I watched Andrew trying to set his football on the tee. His back was to me (and the dog),so he didn't know Lady was squatting right behind him leaving her...uh pile. Andrew (still unaware of Lady or her business) stops working and says aloud, "Huh, I need a new place to play. It smells like poop over here." Andrew, you don't know how right you are.

Angry Expressions
Unfortunately for all of us, Nebraska got their tails handed to them by Texas. Daddy was very verbal in his displeasure. Andrew apparently took notes. Flash forward to today after church. Daddy, frustrated with the length of the traffic light, voices a somewhat muted bit of anger. From the back seat, Andrew firmly agrees, "F*** it. Holy crap." Once we pulled it together, I gently reminded Chris that Andrew repeats everything. Chris's response, "He didn't get "holy crap" from me." Touche. I have let a few "holy craps" slip.

:)
Anne

Dear Caroline,

Dear Caroline,

As I prepare for your arrival, I am reminded of all the little "perks" of being pregnant. I would hate to forget all these little reminders of my time carrying you, so I thought I would make you a list. (One day, I hope you are lucky enough to experience these, too... for better or worse.)

1a. Hello, boobs. From the very beginning of pregnancy, I have had boobs. It's pretty cool considering the other 28 years of my life I haven't had them. Score.

1b. Hello, belly. With the newly added boobs, I also had to welcome an ever expanding waistline. Unlike my pregnancy with Andrew, you showed yourself in my midsection VERY early. (Thanks for that.) A gut at 10 weeks translates to maternity jeans much sooner than I had hoped. The even larger gut at 32 weeks means that I can't see my feet. Perk?

2a. Shiny hair. Before people even knew that I was carrying you, they complimented me on my hair saying how healthy and full it looked. Score.

2b. Shiny face. Awesome. I now understand why people say pregnant women look "glowing"... People say that to because if they say you look like a greasy slice of pizza, they would get punched. Perk?

3a. Forget your worries. With each little kick, roll, or nudge, I am reminded of the miracle in my belly and am anxious to meet you. From the outside, anytime someone sees my bump, I get to gush on and on about your and my plans for you. Score.

3b. Forget everything else. I have read articles by doctors (with perfectly fine degrees) that say being pregnant does not cause a brain drain or forgetfulness. All of these doctors are men. With Andrew, I caught myself driving away with the gas pump still in my tank, losing everything from my keys to my mind, and one day showing up to work with my underwear on inside-out. With you, I caught myself in a new predicament that made me write this post today. I wore two different shoes to work. Perk? From the reaction I got, I guess it was a perk for all the teachers and parents who saw my feet today.

I know what you're thinking, "How did you make it to work without noticing?" For your answer, see 1b.

:)

Anne

Dear people...

Dear people who are wrong,

• 
  1. Training Potty Inventor: Although the idea of having a tiny potty is great for tiny people, there's a major flaw: some poor, big person has to clean it up every time. Trust me, if you don't clean it each and every time, you will suffer the stinky consequences. Plus, the tiny potty has tons of tiny little places where tee-tee can hide.
  
  2. Ice Cream Manufacturers: First of all, congratulations on making a damn fine product. Ice cream might just be heaven on earth. The only mistake seems to be in the nutritional information typed on the back of your containers. It must be a typo because it says that the tub has 12 servings. Weird. I only had it for 5 nights, and it was empty. Clearly, my tub was mis-marked.
  
  3. Andrew, dear sweet Andrew...
• First, you are not nearly as accurate peeing standing up as you think you are. Trust me, I have had to wash the bathmats too frequently to think otherwise.


• Next, you can tell me "Trust me, mommy", but that won't get you what you want. For instance, when I say no to your pleas for more cookies, you saying, "trust me, mommy, I just need two more" won't result in more cookies. Trust me, Andrew, that won't work.


• Your are also wrong when you tell me that you need privacy in the bathroom. I still wipe your butt, and you still pee in the grass in front of anyone who will watch. I will grant you no such privacy... not yet at least.

4. Curious children. You are all wrong about what's going on with my gut.

• No, I did not just "get fat over the summer". (10 kids asked that)
• No, I wasn't "just pregnant like last year". (1 kid)
• No, it's not weird that "[I] already got a baby, and now [I] get to get another one". (1 boy)
• Finally, no, I did not eat a baby. (1 kid... 1 kid that will have a rude awakening when he figures out how babies actually get there.)

I think that's all for now, but I am sure that many more people will need my correcting soon enough.

:)

Anne

In my head..

Things in my head right now:

• The bigger I get with Caroline... the more Andrew wants me to hold him, which isn't fair... for either of us.
• The more big boy milestones he acheives... the harder it is to watch him need me less and less.
• The closer Caroline gets...the more nervous I get that I won't be enough for both of them.
• Should we have waited until he was older to have another?
• Have we given him enough of us?
• Will he be ready for a sibling?
• Will we be ready for his sibling?
• Will she be like Andrew?
• Will we have more after her?
• ....and on and on and on.

I guess the hardest part of parenting for people like Chris and I is that we can only plan and prepare so much. For two people who have planned out every step of the way, we will just have to see what God has planned for us. It's an exciting time, but I think it's okay to admit it's a little scary, too.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1

:)

Anne